You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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