also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
