So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
