Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
