ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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