Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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