I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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