the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
