you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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