Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
