I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
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omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
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