I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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