I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
These tits shall not be calmed
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