After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
