I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
no you cant smoke seaweed
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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