my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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