Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Why did I cab home last night?

  (1-310): View more from California

  Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.

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  (310): Why did I cab home last night? (1-310): Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker. http://tfl.nu/2rna
  Replies (1) Good night (1002) Bad night (764)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.

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  (425): God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis. http://tfl.nu/n22o
  Replies (21) Good night (544) Bad night (2174)
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  (516): View more from New York

  everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.

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  (516): everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no. http://tfl.nu/bnsc
  Replies (85) Good night (4375) Bad night (1362)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

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  (717): you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober http://tfl.nu/nwgl
  Replies (10) Good night (5081) Bad night (715)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.

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  (954): tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"? (1-954): Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards. http://tfl.nu/k91c
  Replies (72) Good night (10976) Bad night (1494)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (8191) Bad night (1070)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
  Replies (9) Good night (5357) Bad night (1384)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.

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  (817): I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information. http://tfl.nu/ct01
  Replies (3) Good night (1182) Bad night (755)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.

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  (480): Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night. http://tfl.nu/4efw
  Replies (13) Good night (793) Bad night (1545)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"

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  (318): A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?" http://tfl.nu/oinl
  Replies (5) Good night (1730) Bad night (473)
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  (225): View more from Louisiana

  I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.

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  (225): I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you. http://tfl.nu/gxsp
  Replies (1) Good night (367) Bad night (543)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.

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  (802): Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced. http://tfl.nu/wakp
  Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (474)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.

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  (443): Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love. http://tfl.nu/kdvx
  Replies (2) Good night (568) Bad night (382)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?

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  (630): Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids? http://tfl.nu/4q99
  Replies (4) Good night (641) Bad night (319)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.

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  (775): He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it. http://tfl.nu/n8a8
  Replies (2) Good night (328) Bad night (106)

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