How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Jerry, you need to find god
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
