your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao