I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.