Texts From Last Night

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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.

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  (613): I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ. http://tfl.nu/qy75
  Replies (37) Good night (25460) Bad night (987)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.

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  (505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously. http://tfl.nu/fpp3
  Replies (23) Good night (3053) Bad night (764)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Whats the glycemic index on semen?

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  (216): Whats the glycemic index on semen? http://tfl.nu/dx5r
  Replies (17) Good night (2708) Bad night (785)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube

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  (617): I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube http://tfl.nu/ozne
  Replies (13) Good night (3133) Bad night (1339)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling

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  (208): opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling http://tfl.nu/a6db
  Replies (11) Good night (6202) Bad night (614)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".

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  (269): Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid". http://tfl.nu/zeei
  Replies (22) Good night (6101) Bad night (839)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (788) Bad night (8646)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.

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  (403): so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them. http://tfl.nu/j4fw
  Replies (7) Good night (7716) Bad night (903)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (7539) Bad night (1924)
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  (415): View more from California

  i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again

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  (415): i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again http://tfl.nu/roxu
  Replies (5) Good night (2726) Bad night (1392)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave

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  (763): Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave http://tfl.nu/o1tg
  Replies (3) Good night (2767) Bad night (775)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.

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  (267): They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment. http://tfl.nu/jokz
  Replies (3) Good night (2104) Bad night (524)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.

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  (405): I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society. http://tfl.nu/cbw1
  Replies (19) Good night (791) Bad night (1221)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"

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  (312): We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?" http://tfl.nu/n4cr
  Replies (10) Good night (598) Bad night (1026)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.

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  (540): I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being. http://tfl.nu/xpnl
  Replies (1) Good night (202) Bad night (489)

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