i think my tv is drunk
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
