dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
