You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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