Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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