hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
