Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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