You can't special order awesome
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
