the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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