I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
