lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have post one night stand depression
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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