If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
