Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
