Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
