Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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