Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
