i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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