so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
