roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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