I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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