the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
