It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
