I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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