I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
