I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I need to sanitize my soul.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
