I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
