I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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