They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
