my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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