my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
im holly from the hills drunk
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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