I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
