Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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