she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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