A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
