I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
