This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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