Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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