I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
