you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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