How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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