tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
