I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
