Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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