Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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