Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
