OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
