One girl and one boy is just not enough.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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