Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
