Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
