dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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