Plan B is the new Plan A
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
