her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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