Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
