Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
