its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They have beer where we have blood.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
