I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
