I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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