So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
