Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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