True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
