Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
